bad music

Jeff Winner of the Raymond Scott blog has a mission: to rid the world of Musica Para La Intimidad – an album that is apparently a blot on the electronic music pioneer’s name:

We have “previously warned about the dangers of a stunningly boring album recorded by Raymond Scott in 1957, and subsequently issued under three titles in the US. It’s my duty to further caution collectors who value their time and/or ears: a fourth pressing of this dreary record was released in 1966 by the Spanish label Orlador, under the title MUSICA PARA LA INTIMIDAD.

I would have guessed this means “Music For Intimacy,” but according to at least one Google translator, it’s “Music For Privacy.”

Had RS kept the recording private, the world would be a better place. Not even a sexy chica displaying her color-coordinated pants, shoes, and upholstery can make this lackluster album worth purchasing.

If you see this record, run away. If you’re unfortunate enough to already own a copy (under any of its titles), please smash it with a hammer into a thousand little pieces, place the debris into a Ziploc baggie, and send it to me or Irwin; we will incinerate all copies at a public bonfire in Texas on September 9th at midnight. Location TBA. Consider this a WANTED poster.”

A recommendation like this makes the album seem nearly irresistible, doesn’t it?

Sorry guys – but we’re taking a break from the unrelenting onslaught of synth and electronic music news to take a look at Scarlett Johansson.

She’s got a new album out – an iTunes exclusive – that showcases her pipes. It features a take on the Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry, along with several Tom Waits covers.

Unfortunately, Scarlett Johansson’s Live Session EP is by all accounts, spectacularly terrible.

She may be the hottest woman in the world, but her music is, and this is a direct quote, “music to slit your wrists by”.

The iTunes reviews of this album are truly scathing:

• You would think they would have pitch correction or something, but this sounds terribly out of tune.
• This album leaves a lot to be desired. Namely, the desire to never hear her sing again.
• Why why why! Why do I have to give this 1 star. Why is there no option for zero stars?
• Sounds like Scarlett Johansson Dead Session E.
• My ears are bleeding. This is ridiculously bad!
• You would have to be deaf to buy this crap.
• Is there a negative star rating? I haven’t heard anything this bad since Shatner covered “Lucy in the Sky”
• This is more like groaning to poor music. Please. Make. This. Stop.
• Sounds like the female version of a bad Hootie and the Blowfish song.
• My ears have never bled the way they bled today. Disaster!
• I keep waiting to hear a pack of dogs wailing in the background. This is beyond awful. Hell would be getting strapped down and forced to listen to this…
• After hearing this, I wanted to kill myself.
• Well, she’s pretty and a good actress.

Now we know why so many actresses turn to electronic music producers to do their magic, right?

Caught this via Lunchfood, who says: “Look, the New Kids on the Block are really old! And so are you!”

Damn! He’s right on both counts.

And if you know who the New Kids on the Block are, you’re old, too.

Thanks, Lunchfood, for ruining my day!

I think I’m going to have to skip this particular retro trend. I’m holding out for Mark Wahlberg to go back to being Marky Mark, with Donnie D on the backup.